


Hatsukoi

by Alextravaganza_Ninja



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Andi Mack - Freeform, M/M, Over-emotional af, Preteen angst?, Pretty pretentious, hella gay, teenage angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 15:36:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15821841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alextravaganza_Ninja/pseuds/Alextravaganza_Ninja
Summary: It's a simple love story, not a sweeping epic. Girl, it's a Disney Channel fanfiction, this ain't Gone With the Wind. Just a gay little story about some gay boys living their simple gay lives. It's a Tyrus story about first love, take it for what it is. I'm too old and too gay to elaborate.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know, this is a hard sell, it's a pretty idealistic story and way too cerebral. This chapter focuses on just the inter-workings of Cyrus, I take a lot of inspiration from poetry, especially Japanese poetry, I would say the chapter consists of mostly pillow phrases and superfluous fluff, but trust me the rest of the story won't be this way, think of the first chapter as my thesis statement. Just something to come back to, ideas in this chapter will be expanded on later.

My chest throbbing loudly.  
I think a lot about the solstices. When seasons change I think it’s natural, if not rational, to feel like one’s whole being changes with it. As I stand here staring at the state capitol, it’s different than before, the sidewalk full of cherry blossoms, stomped on blossoms that have found themselves cemented in the ground, still clearly pink, but also a soiled brown.  
This means something, that’s like really vague, but I like to think like that, in my head, where there’s no one to prove myself to, I can throw away all my logical faculties, let it drift away, fly away in the air like a Draco Lizard. Or something more cutesy and romantic, I don’t know, a flying squirrel? A pigeon?  
I’m still standing here in front of the capitol, I have no clue how long it’s been, today is odd. For once the building acts as a backdrop, my focus is on the cherry trees, the blossoms, every ruined petal covered up by the never-ending cascade. And in the through the constant fallout of pink, a sliver of a dream stands ahead, it stands boldly, but as I stare it fades.  
The dream is this, The trees surround us, it’s us because this moment is too good for just me, we’re in our copse. The blossoms twirl in the wind caressing every inch of us, leaving pastel marks like chalk. It’s not a visual experience, the wind whispers all of our whispered thoughts, carries them to the other’s ear. I could stand here forever, by his side, with my eyes closed, take a breath in and never let it out.  
I stare at the dream from afar, it lingers, stings, if I were to walk closer, through the avalanche of blossoms it may become more vivid, but I stare, and it fades. The energy from this moment fuels one dream, one dream I can’t let rule me.  
I came here to glimpse into my future, a dream I could achieve and work towards, a dream that if it were to take over my life, would lead me to success, give me status, give me pride. Capitol Hill stands as I remember it, the building, the things that go on inside, if I were to contribute to it, if I were to be one of the people working in that building, or the nation’s Capitol, if I were to contribute, in the way I know I can. I’d be more than just me, it’d be about more than just me.  
Architecture communicates with us like a language, influences us.  
Right now I’m standing, still, on the path to Utah’s capitol, and surrounding me are pleasant nothings, pleasant somethings, only acting as a distraction to the bigger picture.  
This building stands before me, before everyone in this city, it’s huge, holds so many people, so much history, it looks over the city, for so long I’d look up to it, its highest peak. If I could confidently walk into this bastion of success, as if I owned the place, once I’ve made it to a point where I’ve traversed the building, every inch of it, and have established myself as a part of it, that’s what a strive for. Being more than.  
I haven’t a clue what’s taking over me. It’s like there’s a language that came before speech, before architecture, before any semblance of society, something my mind and body are telling me to pursue, it’s primal, it’s hard-hitting, it’s natural. A change in season means something to everyone, and this time Spring calls to me in a way it never had before.  
The wind, the trees, they’re telling me something, there’s something coming. I hope it’s TJ coming to sweep me off my feet, this is what I’ve dreamed of for awhile now, for as charmed as I am in this moment, for as much as I picture him here, it’s still a solitary moment, yet I feel some kind of presence, a presence I yearn for and want here, but what is it? That’s a dumb question to ask, I already said who it was I want.  
Well crap, that was cerebral as all heck, that’s why you don’t leave Cyrus Goodman alone to daydream about, stuff. I guess I’m just over-thinking things. All I know for sure, no elaborating, embellishing, none of that superfluous stuff. All I know for sure is this.  
I still have a lot to figure out and work through, Capitol Hill is beautiful, it’s a beautiful day, TJ Kippen is beautiful, I hope he’s having a great day, I wish he were having a great day that included me, I’ve got my whole future ahead of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I made Cyrus's inter-monologue too pretentious or intellectual, but I came to terms with the fact that that is not true. First off I've gotta stop attacking my own writing by calling it pretentious, but also, I realized that someone so young can have thoughts like this, I mean, I did when I was 13. It's confusing, and being someone who has been there and done that, it may be easy to embellish and glorify that period of someone's life, being young and in love and innocent and shit, but I think all of the fluff and poetic stuff is more than just my current vocab and awareness coming through the voice of some 13 year old gay Jewish boy. I mean, of course I based Cyrus a little off myself, because I see a lot of myself in him, that's why I watch the show, but he's more than just my voice, I put effort into making him sound less like me, or at least in making it clear that Cyrus is way too analytical and self-aware for someone his age. But more so I saw a lot of some kids I know in how Cyrus came off this chapter, I recently got to know a 9 year-old named Cameron, he's autistic and going into 7th grade, the way Cameron thinks amazes me, My portrayal of Cyrus kind of is influenced by Cameron.


	2. First Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from TJ's perspective, he's definitely more energetic than Cyrus, I feel like a lot goes on in his head, he's just a typical twink, he for sure watches RPDR.

I hope I have a place in his heart too.  
Ha screw it! Nothing will ever change how I feel, I am never, ever, ever gonna not love Cyrus Goodman. Though I’m not the most forward and honest in expressing that love, every moment with Cyrus, even if it’s a lot more tame than what I dream of for us, in its own way, is a dream.  
I love him! Like damn, I wear a sweatshirt with his face on it to bed every night, I’m living my Jacob Sartorius fantasy, we text every night! The night of his bar mitzvah, the night I got a sweater with his face on it, and his number! It cemented it all, after seeing someone you love so happy, and in turn being so happy because they’re happy, it makes it obvious how I feel, and I can’t stop saying this because it makes me so happy, I love Cyrus Goodman.   
God I hate that my inner-monologue gushes with such giddy queerness, but this is where my thoughts are safest, where am I supposed to let this all out, to my friends? HA! To Cyrus?   
No.  
Oh well, enough inner monologue, I swear whenever it’s just me all I ever do is lift my spirits and get my hopes up, all for it to culminate in me facing reality. Kind of like, well, now.   
Anyway, it’s a big beautiful day, and my feet just carried me to Liberty Park, walking here all on their own. Zoned out on this same old tree I find myself at when I’m alone, here is the perfect spot. I’m far enough from the tennis court to not be annoyed by the constant ball bouncing, I can see the basketball court right in front of the fences that separate the rest of this place from those tennis courts. More importantly I have a view of the swings I had my first ever intimate moment with Cyrus. I mean it wasn’t the most intimate thing, but it was exhilarating, it felt great, I loved that moment, it was the first time I knew I liked Cyrus and that maybe he liked me. It was a moment that changed me.  
I’ve been coming to this park more often, mostly to play basketball, because I love basketball, but also, just in case Cyrus may be here  
The sun hits me, just me, the glow of it rubs off on me a bit, and I let it take over me, I take the basketball that was by my side in one hand and toss it towards the court, lightly, knowing that I’m going to have to chase after it.  
The ball falls not too far ahead of me, still on the grass, finding its place right smack dab in the middle between me and the court, ahead I see 3 boys on the court. Two of them being two people I play with regularly, they’re already Freshman, Richard and Ryder, their names are misleading, they aren’t that fun. But with my hands free, and me no longer living in my head, my feet run toward the court, on the marvelous field of grass by the playground that I wish Cyrus were at. As I run, I spread my arms to T pose against the breeze, with the vibrant sun and only slight breeze, I picked a good day to wear my sleeveless grey hoodie.  
I rush past the swings, Cyrus isn’t there, then I make my way to the court to play with Richard, Ryder, and the other boy. If only Cyrus were here.  
But for now, it’s only a dream in my head that keeps me smiling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These first two chapters aren't really about establishing a story, moreso they're about establishing the two main characters, they're also inspired by two Hikaru Utada songs, Hatsukoi and First Love. With chapter 1 starting off with a line from Hatsukoi and chapter 2 starting with a line from First Love. A lot of poems I've read or written have inspired the prose here, and so have a lot of songs I've listened to. If you're curious about the songs that inspire me feel free to ask, although I might not respond, hell I'm too lazy to mention them here.


End file.
